My dearest Paça,
I don't know how to say goodbye to you. How does one say goodbye to a piece of their own soul?
I remember the first time I saw you so clearly. We had just taken you out of your cage and placed you on the floor. Without hesitation, you came running toward me and started tugging at the hem of my pants. You were so adorable, so full of life. I fell in love with you right then and there. And that's how you got your name: Paça.
We spent thirteen and a half years together. I was only seven when we met. You were a baby, and so was I, in a way. Somehow, we understood each other from the very beginning. We grew up together, side by side, supporting each other through everything life brought our way. Whenever I was sad, you would come over and rest your head on my lap. You were always so loyal. Every time I looked into your eyes, I could see how purely you loved me. I knew you would never hurt me. You became more than my sister; you became my best friend. I found trust and peace in your eyes. There were times in my life I would have struggled terribly to get through without you.
You loved all of us so much, each in your own special way. You adored Dad like he was the love of your life. Whenever he showed you affection, the entire world seemed to stop for you. You were such a shameless little flirt! Whenever Dad raised his voice, you'd lower your ears and wag your tail even harder, determined to win him over.
Mom was your mother, too. The one who took care of your every need, who was always there to protect you. After all, she raised and looked after both of us. Whenever we went to the veterinarian, you wouldn't hide behind Dad or me. You always ran straight behind Mom. She was your protector. Even when you needed to go outside, she was the first person you'd look for.
And me? I know you saw me as your sister. You always wanted to play with me. Oh, how much fun we had playing hide-and-seek! I would throw your toy across the room and hide somewhere in the house while you went looking for me. At first, you'd search with your toy still in your mouth. But if you couldn't find me, you'd eventually drop it. That was my cue to jump out of my hiding place, and we'd race after your toy together. Sometimes, of course, you managed to find me first. You would get so excited!
And how could I ever forget our little game at the beach? I would throw stones into the sea, and you'd pretend you were about to jump in after them, even though you could never catch them. You were terrified of water, so you never actually went in. Except for that one time in Şile. We took you to the beach, and Dad kept picking you up and tossing you into the sea. The waves were enormous, but we had so much fun that day. All of us went swimming together. And afterward, you dug through the sand like a little maniac, making everyone complain about the mess you were creating.
Every time I came home, I couldn't wait to hold you. Whenever we opened the front door, you greeted us like you hadn't seen us in a hundred years. You were so excited that, when you were little, you couldn't even hold your bladder. You'd pee every time someone came home! Once, you even peed on my foot, right in front of my friends. I was so embarrassed!
As I grew older, I tried to take some of the responsibility for you off Mom's shoulders. I couldn't even take you outside by myself when I was little, but eventually, I started arranging my days around you. Whenever I felt bored or lonely at home, we'd go out together and take long walks along the avenue. I remember one of the last times Mom and Dad went on vacation. We were sitting somewhere together, and after a while, you started scratching at my leg with your paw. You'd had enough of sitting around! So, of course, I got up, and we left.
I have countless memories of you, Paça. You truly were my sister. Whenever you were frightened as a puppy, you would hide beneath my bed. After we moved houses, you started hiding under my desk instead. You always chose to hide near me. Sometimes I got angry with you for something you'd done, but you always knew how to apologize. Whenever I said, "Say you're sorry," you'd stand on your hind legs and press your paws against my chest.
You were such a happy dog. You were loved every single day of your life, and you loved everyone in return. You touched so many hearts. Nobody ever saw you as just a dog. You were so much more than that. There was something almost human about the way you looked at us, the way you behaved, your intelligence, and your understanding. You were the joy of our home, always cheerful, always full of love.
Whenever I told you Grandma was coming, you'd start jumping with excitement. And don't even get me started on Mom and Dad! You were hopelessly in love with practically every man you met. The moment a man started petting you, you'd melt into pure happiness. My sweet little flirt. Everyone's darling Paça.
When you were a sick little puppy, Mom's love and devotion helped you survive. And for the next thirteen years, you returned that love to all of us, tirelessly and unconditionally. Your eyes would light up whenever you saw us. You even helped so many people overcome their fear of dogs.
And you loved cats, too. When Miyav came into our house, all you wanted to do was sniff her. Although your curiosity about cats once got you chased by one! You cried while you ran away. But then again, you always cried whenever someone ran faster than you and you couldn't catch up. You were such a sweet baby. My baby.
You gave me the world, Paça. You taught me what pure love felt like. You gave me the love of a sister, the companionship of a best friend, and sometimes even the love I imagine a mother feels for her child. You were my everything. You were my life. And on July 19, you suddenly left us.
You had always been so healthy. Apart from being sick as a puppy and having a difficult time giving birth, you had hardly ever been ill. We took such good care of you. Because you weren't just a dog. You were family. This house belonged to you as much as it belonged to any of us. You were in every family photograph because you were one of us. You were my family.
Whenever I felt overwhelmed, I would wrap my arms around you, curl up beside you, and let your love comfort me. I know nobody will ever love me with quite the same purity that you did. But I want you to know something, too: nobody could ever love you more purely than I loved you. And that love hasn't ended. It never will.
You've always lived inside my heart, and that's where you'll remain. You were a part of my soul. I loved you from the moment we met until the moment you closed your eyes beside me. I loved you with everything I had. And I will continue loving you until the day I close my own eyes. My love for you will never fade. I will carry your memory with me for the rest of my life, my dearest friend, my sister, my heart.
Now everything feels empty. Nothing seems to make sense without you. Living in a world where you no longer exist is unbearably difficult. But there is one thing that comforts me. I have no regrets.
I don't find myself wishing I'd spent more time with you, held you more often, or played with you a little longer. Because if I could go back and live those years again, I would do everything exactly the same. I loved you as much as a heart could possibly love. More than I've ever loved anyone. And you loved me just as deeply.
We played countless games, went on so many walks, and shared thirteen and a half beautiful years. Until your very last day, you were healthy and happy. You loved Saklıköy so much, and I'm glad you got to spend some of your final days there. You even barked at the security guard one last time, making sure you fulfilled your duties! I have no regrets left behind. And you didn't suffer.
You came into this world like an angel, and you left it as one. An angel entered my life, helped raise me, and grew up alongside me. And now I'm alone. I'm without you. But you'll always be inside me.
Take good care of Şans and your other babies. Sunny and Alex are there, too. You're not alone. Until my time on Earth comes to an end, they'll look after you. Please don't be afraid. One day, we'll find each other again. I'll kiss you, hold you in my arms, and we'll be together once more. Because our hearts have always been one.
Rest peacefully, my love. Sleep without fear. You lived such a peaceful, happy life. I'll always remember the times you fell asleep in my lap, the way you'd lie on your back in your little bed, completely content with the world. I'll remember how you'd stubbornly nudge me awake with your nose, how you always listened to us, and every precious little thing that made you who you were. Every moment. Every memory.
My beautiful Paça. The most wonderful creature in the world. My love, my darling, my baby, my one and only, my sister, my best friend, my everything. I love you more than words could ever describe. No sentence could possibly capture the depth of my grief or the endless love I carry for you.
Saying goodbye is so hard. But now you've returned to where you always belonged, among the angels. My sweet, innocent baby girl. Rest in peace, and please, don't be afraid. I will love you forever, without ever growing tired of loving you. Always. For all eternity.
I love you, Paça. It was beautiful. Every moment I spent with you was beautiful. Thank you, my Paça. Thank you for everything. I love you.
Until we meet again,
Goodbye.
Melodi
